On why forgiveness can end up erasing one’s pain and trauma and does not hold wrongdoers accountable

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Photo by Eddie Kopp on Unsplash

My therapist recently assigned me homework to write a letter that forgave me for actions and beliefs that caused me harm during my youth.

When told of the assignment, I recoiled because my thoughts on forgiveness have shifted dramatically in recent years.

For instance, my sister and I have a complicated relationship. Growing up, we were night and day. While I read books, got good grades in school, and stayed in the background, my sister partied, got mediocre to poor grades and drifted to the forefront of any environment she entered.

We grew more distant in adulthood as our lives…

In being kind and gentle with my younger self regarding my asexuality

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Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

I’m at a crossroads.

I first came upon asexuality as a sexual orientation six years ago. The process of accepting this part of myself is a slow one. The fact that I still struggle with my aceness is partly due to the fact that there are so few representations of ace people in the media. Nobody thinks an ace person looks anything like me. In all of the ace groups I come across online, I’m usually one of the few BIPOC as well as one of the oldest…

Months or weeks that celebrate marginalized groups can be a double edged sword

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Photo by Bulgn/Shutterstock

The thought that older people tend to be more conservative centers on white people

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Image from Shutterstock

“If you are not a liberal when you are young, you have no heart, and if you are not a conservative when old, you have no brain.”

That quote has been attributed to several people, Winston Churchill among them. But the notion that people get more conservative with age has gnawed at me for years. When I was younger, I took the axiom to mean that the shift toward pragmatism and the intolerance of ambiguity and uncertainty were unavoidable once I got to a certain age. …

Not all asexuals are regarded as children

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Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

During a recent conversation, I heard the following complaint,

“I’m sick of being infantilized because I’m asexual.”

Infantilization is a common complaint among asexuals. Since all people are deemed inherently sexual, those who don’t experience sexual or romantic attraction feel they’ve missed a crucial step in their development. Or that they lack the maturity to interact with adults in a meaningful way.

A significant problem with this heteronormative mindset is that asexuality gets treated as a phase since sex and romance are considered rites of passage. It’s believed that once the asexual person “finds the right person,” they’ll “snap out…

White supremacy is at a crossroads as racists fight among themselves

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Photo by Tasos Katopodis/Getty Images

White people, I have a few questions.

Why don’t y’all respect the police? During the recent insurrection at the United States Capitol building, some of your skinfolk dragged a police officer down a flight of stairs, then beat the person with the American flag. I thought your people revered law and order. Aren’t you the group that believes that law enforcement is infallible? That Blue Lives Matter? The rampage at the Capitol shattered my perceptions of a supposedly non-violent group.

Now I have to ask, why do white people…

What the coup attempt at the Capitol says about us

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Photo by MIKE STOLL on Unsplash

As a Black woman, my feelings about the United States are extremely complicated. As much as I want to love this country, I can’t summon that emotion because the institutions that are purported to serve all of our people, don’t serve those that look like me.

However, I don’t think I was ever more disgusted with this country than I was yesterday.

Yesterday, Congress met to formally count the Electoral votes for Joe Biden’s election. It’s a ceremonial event and usually would never make the news cycle. However, our current White House resident had to show his ass.

Trump held…

In a world that teaches us to hate ourselves, loving and accepting yourself is a radical concept

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Photo by Guilherme Stecanella on Unsplash

In one science and psychology article I found, self-love is defined as having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.

It’s an idea that sounds great in theory. However, putting it into practice is another story.

See, to me, the definition of self-love as well as the phrase, “you’ve got to love yourself first,” always leave…

I’m not contorting myself to be meek just to soothe your fragile egos

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Photo by Etty Fidele on Unsplash

If anyone has written and published content over a significant period, they’re bound to get criticized. I’m no exception. Granted, it hasn’t happened often on this platform, but I’ve had my share of haters. As a Black queer woman, I’ve had to learn to grow a thick skin fairly early in life to deflect the constant assaults on my humanity, or else I wouldn’t survive. My writing is no different.

To elaborate, one hater recently posted a comment that made me snort. It wasn’t even a response to a story that I’d written but a response to a comment I…

How this endless year changed me for the better

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Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash

If one wants to get technical, January 2020 wasn’t that long ago. In a more typical year, it wouldn’t be. But the immense stress and disruption that 2020 wrought resulted in the distortion of our sense of time. 11 months now feels like 11 years. Or 11 decades.

Back in January and February 2020, I didn’t sense anything amiss in the atmosphere. Everything was smooth sailing at my day job. Two of my friends had birthdays in January. I celebrated one of them with a brunch. I met up with the other friend for drinks at a neighborhood bar. There…

Vena Moore

Dismantling white, male supremacy one word at a time.

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